Alfie 12:43 Sat Nov 9
Signs of ageing
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Swallowing is harder
Pissing takes longer
You notice women ignore you - there are no second glances
Ears ring after previously inoffensive noise levels
Words are harder to catch
You look at young people & realise what you have lost / once had
You wonder if your missus sees the decline you do
You look at your gut more in the mirror. Quickly and only see thr edges
Old trousers fail to fit
You need to wear a scarf and big coat in the cold then remember how you didnt give a fuck about cold when young
You tell younger people to put on coats when its cold
Your tooth gets sweeter
Current music sounds shit / winds you up
When pissing or shitting - the finish marker has got a bit blurry and ill disciplined
Sometimes in the morning you feel hungover when you havent had a drink
You think of bed with the same relish you once thought of fucking / fighting / drinking / wanking / going football
You watch old episodes of top of the pops
Youve still got tapes somewhere
You used to be a raver but no fucker can visualise it
You prefer sitting down
You do not know where to get fashionable drugs
You look in desperation for seats on the train and get the ump if there are none
Your arms dont work how they used to
You realise that collectively all of these things are happening because you have less life left than youve lived
Your chin gets chubbier & less defined
If they have not left you already - you begin to think about what it must be like when your old man or mum go outers
You start sizing up other people your age for signs of age / decreptitude and either feel better or worse for it accordingly
You notice the seasons more
Your dreams are weirder
People who piss you off are told / ignored / fucked off because you realise one day youll be a long time dead & are too old to go chasing bods / women / family / cunts
This makes you feel free'r & in control - although in the back of your mind you know youve begun the long inexorable slide towards being dead - forever.
You think about your pension & realise it will buy a sausage roll and bag of crisps and that you might need to work until you are dead and bleeding from the gums.
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Replies - In Chronological Order ( Show Newest Messages First)
gph
12:59 Sat Nov 9
Re: Signs of ageing
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"You start sizing up other people your age for signs of age / decreptitude and either feel better or worse for it accordingly"
One of the consolations.
Until I have a stroke tomorrow morning, and look like one of the youngest stroke victims...
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Iron Duke
1:03 Sat Nov 9
Re: Signs of ageing
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Being older than teachers.
Seeing celebrities on TV who are about 10 years older than you but they now look younger than you.
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zebthecat
1:09 Sat Nov 9
Re: Signs of ageing
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Enjoying the Archers
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gph
1:11 Sat Nov 9
Re: Signs of ageing
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I'll be dead before I enjoy the Archers - apart from the theme tune, which I've liked since I first heard it.
And has the additional advantage that it tells you to turn off as soon as it's over.
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wd40
1:18 Sat Nov 9
Re: Signs of ageing
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You perfer radio 4 over every other radio station.
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Moncurs Putting Iron
1:21 Sat Nov 9
Re: Signs of ageing
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I sound like the world's strongest Man pulling a truck when I get out of a low chair.
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Moncurs Putting Iron
1:23 Sat Nov 9
Re: Signs of ageing
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I can actually answer questions on Mastermind.
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Moncurs Putting Iron
1:25 Sat Nov 9
Re: Signs of ageing
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I have given up trying to liked.
You either do or you don't. It doesn't matter either way.
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the coming of gary
1:29 Sat Nov 9
Re: Signs of ageing
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.. if you are 49, you are older than Fornals and Haller - added together
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Moncurs Putting Iron
1:30 Sat Nov 9
Re: Signs of ageing
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I have more disposable income.
(One balance I am happy with it in case you haven't noticed)
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Alfie
1:31 Sat Nov 9
Re: Signs of ageing
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I actively seek out the most fucking comfortable socks on the market.
Where once - i didnt give a mother loving shit about the stockings i wore on my feet - now it must be soft - well fitting and agreeable round the ankle.
Once i bowled about in any sock to hand - nylon - crinolene - wool mix. None.
Now i actually prepare my socks and under crackers the weekend and night before - and if i put the wrong ones on it really reaaly gives me the ump.
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zebthecat
1:33 Sat Nov 9
Re: Signs of ageing
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wd40 1:18 Sat Nov 9
Been there for a couple of decades Test Match Special apart. Preferred over TV stations too,
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Alfie
1:34 Sat Nov 9
Re: Signs of ageing
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Moncurs - re being liked - agree wholeheartedly. If they dont fucking like me - tough titty. And guess what? I dont like them back.
I actually dont like my fucking self as it happens but dont give a shit as i dont like myself or care if i dont like myself or care if i dont like myself.
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Moncurs Putting Iron
1:37 Sat Nov 9
Re: Signs of ageing
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Someone mentions an event/song and you think 'about 5 years ago'
Nope.
20.
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zebthecat
1:37 Sat Nov 9
Re: Signs of ageing
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The irony being that my hearing is terrible (too many hours rehearsing with bands in small rooms with large amplifiers).
Mind you the vision is going to shit as well.
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zebthecat
1:38 Sat Nov 9
Re: Signs of ageing
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Slacks can FUCK OFF!
I am not turning into Alan Partridge for anyone.
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